Holy Ghostwriter: Timeless Illustrations

By Paul Lintern, Editor, the Joyful Noiseletter

Another visit with fictitious Pastor Jeff Mutton at Good Lord Community Church, Middlefield, Idaho.

This week’s clergy luncheon had an assignment attached, a reporting, which was unusual for those that gathered at Pam’s Pizza Place. After embracing their age and joyfully admitting they are old, each of them decided to use an outdated item for a sermon illustration, just to see how the younger congregants would respond.

“I used a slide rule,” Father Tony said. “Actually held it up and explained how calculating methods may have changed, but the importance of calculating the cost of discipleship hasn’t changed.”

“Good one,” Pastor Jeff said. “Did you demonstrate it?”

“Sure did; I show how to multiply — 2 times 3, then 26 times 45, then 1.6 times 83,” Tony said.

“I’m impressed,” Jeff replied. “I didn’t know you knew how.”

“I don’t,” Tony said. “I used the calculator on my phone to get the answers ahead of time; no one could really tell what I was doing on that little slide rule up there in the pulpit.”

“I brought out my checkbook,” Pastor Jeff said. “I had everyone under age 20 come up and I gave them a tutorial on how to write a check. Made a big production of it. Had each of them write a check for any amount to the church and put in the offering plate.

“I know the checks were void, but maybe that will introduce a habit of giving.

“Anyway, I reminded them of the price Jesus paid for our sins, and that, while church bills are real, God’s grace is free,” Jeff said.

They high-fived each other on making the illustration work.

“I brought out an old manual typewriter for children’s church and showed them how people wrote back in the last century, in the 1900s,” Rev. Mike smiled.

“I gave them a little demo, typing, ‘The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.’ I’ve still got it!

“My fingers are sore this morning, though. I forget how hard it is to push down those keys!” Mike laughed, adding, “I even used carbon paper, which fascinated all the kids.

“Unfortunately, one of the toddlers tried to eat it. Thought it was a licorice Fruit Roll-up.”

They all laughed, but then Tony asked, “What was your point?”

“Things we learn when we are young will stay with us all our life, so that is why we learn the teachings of Jesus and share it with whatever tools or technology we can,” he said.

“So when are you getting a church Facebook page?” Tony smiled.

“I don’t want to rush it,” Mike replied.