Messianic Jewish wit full of one-liners

(JN consulting editor Steve Feldman of Jefferson City, MO has a traveling ministry called "Messianic Joy Ministries" to "bring mirth to the earth." His pastor at the First Assembly of God in Jefferson City calls Steve "the funny bone in the Body of Christ." "I am a Messianic Jew who teaches on how Jesus prophetically fulfilled every element in the Jewish Passover Seder Service and how Jesus instituted the Christian Communion Service right out of the Jewish Passover Seder," explains Feldman.)

The Joyful Noiseletter, through the years, has often noted that much of Christian humor is rooted in Jewish humor. Steve Feldman has his feet in both faith traditions.

Feldman is full of Groucho-Marx-like one-liners:

"To keep my pastor humble, I call our Assembly of God Church the Resemblance of God Church."

"I've been thinking of switching churches and attend the All Tweets Church... they have the shortest sermons in town!"

"I grew up as a Jewish kid in a Catholic neighborhood, and the Catholic kids would tease me by saying, 'Our priest knows more than your rabbi!' and I'd say, 'Of course he does... you tell him everything!'"

"My pastor didn't like my idea to put in a drive-thru confessional on the side of our church building. I wanted to call it 'Toot 'n Tell.' You could drive up and say, 'Ah, yeah... I had the number 7... my wife here had the number 2... and my son in the backseat had the Combo: numbers 3, 4, 8, and 9.' ' Please pull forward to Window 2 to pay your penitence and to receive your repentance!'"

"My Jewish mother was an angel… always up in the air harping about something!"

"I wrote another Jewish cowboy song... I call it 'Shalom on the Range.'"

"I wrote another Jewish cowboy song... I call it 'Mothers, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys Instead of Going into the Family Business That His Grandfather Started from Scratch and His Father Sweated Over Night and Day and Worked His Fingers to the Bone for So Many years that He Should Walk Such a Gift!'"

"I wrote a couple of Jewish country western songs. One is 'The Second Time She Said Shalom, I Knew She Meant Goodbye.' It's on the flip side of 'I was one of the Chosen People until She Chose Somebody else.' I also wrote 'Stand by Your Mensch!'"

"And I wrote a Passover song called 'From My First Sip of Your Matzoh Ball Soup, I Knew You Were a Girl I Couldn't Pass Over!'"

"My pastor believes in the Passover... anytime there is even a hint of controversy in the church, he closes his eyes and hopes it will pass over!"

"My friend told me there's a new Talking Jewish Mother doll. You pull the string and it says, 'Again with the string? ENOUGH with the string, already!'"

"The reason the Hebrew Children were lost in the wilderness for 40 years was because Moses, being a man, refused to stop and ask for directions. You gotta feel sorry for Moses... three million people saying, 'Are we there yet?'"

"The reason there are so many Jewish doctors is because God said to Moses atop Mt. Sinai, 'Now take these two tablets...'"

"Remember the famous words of Moses as he stood atop Mt. Sinai and said, 'What a terrific name for a hospital!'"

"This is one of my favorite stories about Moses:

"Moses had a press agent whose name was Manny. When Moses and the Hebrew children arrived at the Red Sea after leaving Egypt, Moses yelled, 'Hey, Manny... front and center!' Manny came running up all out of breath and said, 'Yeah, boss... what do you want?' Moses said, 'We're here at the Red Sea, mountains on either side of us, and Pharaoh's army coming upon us... where are those boats I ordered back in Cairo?' Manny said, 'Boats?' and Moses said, 'Yes...BOATS!'

"Manny said, 'Gee, boss, with all the logistics and advanced planning for settling in the Promised Land, I guess I forgot!'

"Moses said, 'You moron... you IDIOT... what am I supposed to do? Raise my staff and ask God to part the Red Sea so we can walk across on DRY LAND?'

"And Manny said, 'Hey, boss, if you could do THAT, I could get you 10 pages in the Old Testament!'"

©2024 the Joyful Noiseletter. All Rights Reserved


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